Sounds (Part One)

Sounds.

The bringer of joy and the bane of my life. I couldn’t live without music. I have extensive and eclectic playlists. I love the sounds of my children’s laughter, or the birdsong at dusk that floats through my attic window on a warm summer’s evening. I like the comforting drone of a distant lawn mower, or the fat crooning of the content pigeon, who rests in my cherry tree. Other than laughter, human noises such as the shout of man or the tap of shoe on the pavement make me deeply uneasy. The noise a human mouth makes when it chews, slurps, sips or swallows pains me. I can’t bear it. I simply cannot BEAR it. It’s an everyday painful occurrence as everyday someone eats in front of me. Not their fault of course as they need to eat, but it’s not mine either, so I’ve stopped apologising for my reaction.

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The Wisdom of Hindsight

By The Flying Child

The Flying Child CIC consists of a very small team. It is small, partly because we are still in the early stages, but also because I don’t trust others easily. I haven’t always been distrustful, in fact the opposite was true. I have trusted too easily at times and it’s been to my detriment.

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Group

I first contacted a charity (RASASC) for advice in 2015. I was put in touch with an ISVA (independent sexual violence advisor), as I wanted to report the abuse but I was too frightened to walk into a police station without a comprehensive understanding of the process.

Not many people knew about the abuse and those who did only knew that I’d ‘been abused’ – not the details; keeping this secret was the only control I had over this terrible thing that had happened to me. I feared full disclosure because I feared handing control over to someone else. I feared the consequences of speaking out. I feared the abuser. Perhaps most of all I feared judgement. The shame was debilitating. This ISVA and I sat together for a couple of hours and she asked me questions about what had happened. It was painful to be asked this; how do you speak the words when you have spent half a lifetime pushing away any thoughts of abuse?

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… (Part Two) How TO respond to a survivor

My previous post what not to say to a survivor stemmed from a thread on Twitter that was liked and retweeted many times. Survivors identified with the responses from others after disclosing their own child sexual abuse. Some added more to the list. One person replied with ‘thank you for sharing. What would be helpful to say to a survivor?’ and I began to reflect on responses that had helped me.

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