“Too Heavy”

By Sophie Olson
Opening a conversation on Twitter about the stigma of CSA

This tweet followed an interaction that left me feeling a bit tired. Despite the extraordinary estimated statistics of adult survivors in the U.K., CSA survivors are an isolated community. It is hard to come together as a group because people don’t want us. I remember years ago, trying to find a free venue for a local charity peer support group, so it could keep going despite funding cuts. I knocked on many doors: Churches, cafes, pubs, community centres and the message was loud and clear.

Our insurance won’t cover you (a church that hosted various community groups)

The elders have said it’s inappropriate (we were a small group of women, drinking tea and chatting, in private).

We don’t think it’s a suitable group for our church (a huge red flag in my opinion)

Continue reading ““Too Heavy””

“To Say or Not to Say… That is the Question”

In March, a wonderful thing happened. Amanda, a lovely lady who had attended a previous school training, got in touch to let me know she had decided to run the Surrey Half Marathon to raise money for The Flying Child. 

I was blown away by this. We are a Community Interest Company which means we are nonprofit and do rely on funding, and so for someone to choose us as their cause, meant such a lot to us.

Around this time we ordered some marketing materials for the organisation, and T-shirts for us as a team. We had recently publicly announced our new tagline…

“Society’s Shame Not Mine”

…and wanted to wear our T-shirts for our events but also to encourage much needed conversations about Child Sexual Abuse when out and about in everyday life.

We had a few comments on social media and private messages, asking if we would sell the T-shirts, and so when I met with Amanda to say thank you for the incredible £367.23 raised, we decided buying T-shirts would be a great way to spend the money. 

We had given a lot of thought to the original design. My dilemma was the words. One of the biggest problems we have in society is that people shy away from using the actual words. The acronym ‘CSA’ feels ‘safer’ but this can exacerbate stigma. Despite this, we decided the acronym ‘CSA’ is as valid as the words: ‘Child Sexual Abuse’ – for three reasons.

Firstly, as a survivor I remember how painful I found it – how impossible to say the words. I would have preferred to wear a T-shirt, or a badge that ‘said it’ without ‘saying it’. That would have felt far more comfortable for me.

Secondly, I want people to feel comfortable wearing the T-shirts around young children. I do believe children should be aware of the term, mine are – but I choose not to subject them to the words every moment I’m with them. I would also not want to walk into a school playground with the full words on show, and expose them to other children, without context.

The third reason is because I’ve noticed a curious thing happens when wearing something that ‘says it’ without ‘saying it’. People start to ask what it’s saying.

What does CSA stand for? people ask me. And I tell them, and the conversation, the one that never really happens, begins: What is it for? Where do you work? What does The Flying Child do… how did you get into that work… oh, you’re a survivor… I didn’t know… oh the statistics are that bad…? and so on.

Before they know it, people have had a whistle-stop tour of the societal issue that they might otherwise have remained blissfully unaware of: They engaged in a conversation that might never have happened. Had they seen ‘Child Sexual Abuse’ on my T-shirt, would they have spoken to me about the T-shirt? Possibly some might, but I know many would not. They would have avoided me, avoided my eye, and the opportunity to talk would have been lost.

So… there is absolute merit in using both. We need the real words out there because when we are used to seeing it it lowers the taboo and takes away some of the fear that makes many turn away … but we also need to gently coerce people into conversations that otherwise might not happen. 

We will therefore be offering T-shirts that both ‘say it’ and don’t ‘say it’. They will be FREE (we ask you pay for postage and packing), and available on a first-come, first-served basis and we hope you wear them, as we do, with pride – and spread the message that Child Sexual Abuse is “Society’s Shame, Not Mine”

(Please check our social media @TheFlyingChild for T-shirt announcments!)

No Toes and Crocodile Smiles

Sometimes she called me Pobble With No Toes 
from a poem 
I think 
by Edward Leah 
it made me giggle and wiggle my toes 
to check they were still there 

sometimes he called me Poppet 
with a wink and a crocodile smile 
he kept his teeth hidden 
hello Poppet 
I shot up to the sky 
my heart fell into my feet 

                                 Sophie Olson


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Revolution

This has been a week of travelling, networking, connection and collaboration. A week of laughter, empowerment, and overcoming.

It has been a week of public speaking, guest panels, consultancy and change-making. I have met up with old friends and made new ones, professionally, personally and both.

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Sexual Abuse and Sexual Violence Awareness Week 2023 #ItsNotOk

By Sophie Olson

Today marks the last day of Sexual Abuse & Sexual Violence Awareness Week – the UK’s national week to raise awareness of sexual abuse and violence. At #TheFlyingChild we decided to engage by highlighting some important statistics, challenging stigma and sharing the work we’re doing with The Flying Child Project.

#ItsNotOk social media post

On Monday we shared the above image across our social media.


“Over 90% of sexually abused children were abused by someone they knew” (Radford, 2011)

On Tuesday we shared one of the statistics we use in our training.


A quote from The Flying Child Project training.

On Wednesday we shared this quote from The Flying Child Project. As we say to attendees, training is only a small part of tackling the epidemic of child sexual abuse. The biggest barrier we face to making meaningful change is society’s inability to speak about a taboo subject. One of the best things we can do as individuals is engage with the narrative. #ItsNotOk to turn away from the subject because what message does that send to children? What message does it send to perpetrators – that they can carry on whilst we look the other way? We can all play a part in tackling CSA. Yes – it’s uncomfortable to talk about but we must never prioritise our own comfort above the safety of children.


On Wednesday evening I spoke to SARSAS on a Twitter Space about my work as a Survivor Activist, my writing and The Flying Child Project. SARSAS also work with professionals and young people in schools and we came to the conclusion there is “a lot of work to do” (You can listen to the whole interview on the home page and on YouTube.)


Social media clip

ABC of CSA Exhibition by Viv Gordon Co

On Thursday, Anna and I travelled down to Exeter for the launch of the Viv Gordon Company ABC of CSA exhibition – ” a creative resource to support better conversations about child sexual abuse.”

We had the opportunity to view the wonderful artwork by Imogen Harvey-Lewis, catch up with friends and allies and listen to inspiring poetry read by fellow survivors of CSA.


On Friday we are worked with social workers at Together for Children Sunderland alongside the wonderful Sarah Pritchard from Barnardos Tees Valley Services. I always enjoy working with Sarah because she is what many would describe as a courageous practitioner – someone unafraid to open conversations, to say the words some might shy away from. Part of our training was to challenge the preconceived ideas people may hold about CSA. Due to a technical issue we were running late and it was encouraging to see how many choose to stay and listen to the end, and then ask us questions!

We finished the week by sharing our flyer for peer support in the local area. You can read more about the groups here.

The week ended on a bit of a high as I met with my publisher on Saturday. We have decided that #ItsNotOK24 will be the week we launch my book – The Flying Child. Keep an eye out for the formal announcement coming soon…

Honest Conversations

By Sophie Olson

Stigma.

Shame.

Silence.

Three words that epitomise a problem survivor activists face as individuals trying to break down barriers, and make a positive change to the lives of both child victims and adult survivors of Child Sexual Abuse.

It’s easy for me to stand in front of strangers and say the relevant words, but when it’s to someone I know, it takes a different sort of strength. I know what it risks. I’m tired of the ignorant reactions and know the likelihood of receiving one is high.

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Survivor Activism: Q&A

Last week I was asked to be a guest speaker alongside Viv Gordon at the #CSAQT Twitter Space. It was a space beautifully held by Five (@sur5vors) and Lucy (@smile4wales), and despite my nerves, I really enjoyed it! (It also helped doing it with Viv as we have worked together quite a lot and I feel quite comfortable with her).

If you missed the Space or you’re interested in Survivor Activism, you can read some of my answers below – including my answers to questions we didn’t have time for. Thanks Five and Lucy for inviting me and for helping me overcome my fear of Twitter Spaces!

Continue reading “Survivor Activism: Q&A”
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